GITG | READER OF THE MONTH AWARD

Every month GITG runs the GITG Reader Of The Month award, a moment to celebrate and give thanks to the tens of readers whom make doing all this worth while.  

This month, the award goes to a very special individual.  There are some moments in a young football writer's (ed: young?) life when doubts can creep in; when uncertainty clouds, and questions like, why are you still doing this?, why don't you focus on your actual career?, and, you do realise your girlfriend hates you now, right?, chip away at your self belief.  But then, you come across a reader who makes it all worth while.  A reader who makes you realise why you got in to this in the first place.  A reader who makes you fall in love with sports writing all over again.  Yes, this month's GITG Reader Of The Month award goes to an individual whose loyalty and support is without question the most sincere we have felt for a long time, whose input has inspired us and motivated us to pursue our dream. 

Congratulations, JD Nicolás Loyola, you are GITG Reader Of The Month February 2015!     

All winners receive a lifetime subscription to GITG, a hardback copy of the GITG Bumper Annual, and a signed photograph* of the writers. 

GITG

*Photographs may not be of writers or decent.

FA CUP | PREMIER LEAGUE JAFFAS COME HEAD-TO-HEAD IN CUP (SO TO SPEAK)

I’m not entirely sure how to start this one.  The match was essentially a game of one half (the 2nd), so much so I’ve pretty much written this backwards (I don’t mean sat facing the wall behind me) so forgive the slightly lack lustre opening AN APT METAPHOR FOR HOW THIS MATCH BEGAN AND HE’S BAAACK.  

New Aston Villa boss, Tim Sherwood, watched from the stands as his boys overcame equally as retarded opposition Leicester City to reach the FA Cup quarter finals. 

If anyone was in any doubt as to why both sides are in the drop zone then the first half of this clash surely put an end any uncertainty.  Literally nothing happened.  Leicester City’s Marcin Wasilewsky - who looks like he’s escaped from prison or the set of a porno set in a prison - hit the post, while Villa’s Christian Benteke loitered in midfield possibly in an attempt to pass to himself. 

Tim Sherwood, not one for keeping his opinions to himself, made an impromptu visit to the home dressing room at half time in an attempt to right a very woeful first half.  While some may see Randy Lerner’s appointment of Sherwood like putting a kamikaze pilot in charge of the Titanic, Sherwood's words of wisdom appeared to have the desired effect on, well, both sides, oddly.  

Villa began the half with far more conviction which forced Leicester to give a good account of themselves.  Which to be fair to them they have done for most of the season, except in the scoring/not being relegated department.  The rejuvenated restart proved more than hot air from Villa when in the 67’ minute Leandro Bacuna cut inside and whipped it into the right hand corner; a fantastic finish that wouldn’t look out of place coming from any team other than Villa.  Or Leicester.

Leicester City responded positively; just a minute later the Foxes won a corner and Leonardo Ulloa’s header was blocked.  Leicester found their gear and piled on the pressure, Riyad Majrez had his right footed shot from inside the box saved, Andrej Kramaric’s header from the left side of the box sailed just over, and Esteban Cambiasso’s 79’ minute free kicked flew embarrassingly high.  

As ever, their admirable advances proved impotent and were punctuated all the while by Aston Villa counter attacks.  In spite of the Foxes’ best efforts, it was Villa who looked most likely to score, a rejuvenated Benteke was playing higher up the pitch and offered several attempts, and Andreas Weimann had his goal adjudged offside.  Then in the 89’ minute, assisted by Benteke, Manchester City loanee, Scott Sinclair, pinged a right footed shot that was fumbled into the net by Leicester goalkeeper, Mark Schwarzer.  Villa had scored their 17th goal in all competitions.

Leicester City record signing, Andrej Kramaric, replied 31” seconds later with a fantastic headed finish assisted by Jeffrey Schlupp, a 1950s Jewish sweet shop owner.  But it was too little too late.  

Final score:  Aston Villa  2 - 1  Leicester City    

What next?

Both teams lurk bottom table like two middle aged men scouring the periphery of a swingers party waiting for an ‘in.’  Who will make that leap of faith?  It’s hard to say, if today’s result was anything to go by then obviously Villa.  Sherwood appears to be the blue pill Villa were looking for to pep them into life.  And why wouldn’t he be?  His batshit style of play (see our December 2013 article: http://gitsinthegame.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/sherwood-gets-nod-as-levy-campaigns-for.html) coupled with his enthusiasm and total disregard for the party line is an exciting prospect for anyone who isn’t directly accountable of his actions.

Furthermore, Sherwood’s record at Tottenham is underrated to say the least.  His win percentage of 59.09% was the highest of any Tottenham manager in the Premier League.  Yet he was sacked for being too not foreign enough.   

Despite the positive stuff, it’s been clear to everyone, except Lambert, that Villa are sorely lacking creativity in midfield.  Tom Cleverly appears incapable of passing it anywhere but sideways (ed: he’d suit Man Utd down to the ground then.)  Sherwood obviously instructed his midfielders to ping the ball at Benteke’s throat in the second half to save the forward having to come look for it, which worked to great affect in a very Sherwood-y way.  

However, this make-do-and-mend approach (ed: he’s only been in charge an hour) may blag you a few results, but if Villa have any hope of keeping above water come the summer Sherwood will surely need to address his side’s creative shortcomings.  Why don’t you leave suggestions for possible midfield signings in the comments section?  Be nice to get at least one comment, been doing this long enough.     

As for Leicester, they haven’t got a hope while that maniac is in charge.

GITG

       

MARCO REUS | THE SECRET HANDSHAKES [VIDEO]

Badman alert.

PEARSON CHOKESLAM BEATS MCARTHER IN PREMIER LEAGUE PAY-PER-VIEW 'WHITE HART PAIN'

The big talking point from The Premier Leagues annual Pay-Per-View event 'White Hart Pain', was a devastating chokeslam from ex PE teacher and soon to be sacked mentalist Nigel 'Nige' Pearson.

It was the opening match of the annual event held at White Hart Lane.  As the lucky 38,000 ticket holders made their way up the Tottenham High Road, past a world record number of Ghanaian barbers, Turkish off licenses and Grime, the opening match was ending almost before it had begun (which is impossible).

The stands weren't even half full at the time, but Pearson wasn't phased. McArthur had started the match on the front foot, hammering hundreds of square passes at Pearson's shins, which had clearly taken its toll, as one of Pearson's Hi Tec trainers had flown into the front row. But Pearson bounced back, he confused McArthur by demanding he 'run around in his pants due to bringing the wrong kit' and struck a devastating chokeslam whilst McArthur was still deciding if he had just been sexually assaulted or not. Referee Andy Phelan counted to 3, and the opening match of the event was done and dusted, much like Pearson's managerial career will be, or has been, depending on time of printing.

The second brawl was a Tables, Ladders and Hair Match between afro'd trickster 'Bad Will' Willian, and permed thug 'Bone Marrow' Marouane Fellaini. The match was refereed by aging swoon boat David Ginola and had the crowd on their feet from the off.  Fellaini hit his devastating special move 'Backing into an on coming defender whilst the ball is in the air and pretending you didn't mean to elbow them', before Willian recovered and hit back with his finisher, the 'unnecessary stepover'. The match went to and fro like this for around 10 minutes, before Fellaini grabbed a ladder and hit Willian in the wind pipe (the softest challenge of his career.) David Ginola counted to 3, and the dreadful Fellaini was booed all the way back to Graham Webb in Bexleyheath (he had a 4 o clock with Stacey.)

The next fight on the card was a 'Bell In A Cell Match' between perennial media cunt Robbie Savage and vicious bouncer hater Joey 'Jailbird' Barton (who felt absolutely at home behind the bars).

Barton kicked the living shit out of Savage for 8 minutes straight, which was hilarious. When I say 'kicked the shit out of' I literally mean he was kicking him in the head for 8 minutes. It got a bit hard to watch after a while, but the crowd absolutely loved it. Barton won by TKO due to Savage's head being almost completely and utterly 'caved in', which brought a huge cheer from the capacity crowd. In a touching show of Sportsmanship, Barton gave his blood splattered boots to a lucky disabled child in the front row. It certainly shows how much respect you've garnered from the general public when they are enjoying watching you get beaten up, by Joey Barton. Savage is so conceited that he thought the crowd were cheering for his haircut. It took him 15 minutes to come round and when he did he was muttering about 'not having enough buttons on his shirt' to the poor Wardrobe girl, all whilst his earlobes were hanging off.


The night continued with a bizarre clash between two of the leagues old boys. Emile Heskey and Joe Cole squared off in a 'Handicapped Match'. 

Heskey started sharply by asking if Cole could 'Stop looking at him sideways because he didn't know how to count to Potato'

Cole hit back by eating an entire pack of uncooked 'Jus-Roll' Puff Pastry and vomiting on a small child. The match then descended into something of a stalemate. The two competitors were locked in a trance as someone in the crowd shined a laser pen on the turf between them. Heskey won the match by submission shortly after, crushing Joe Cole with his 'death grip' after Cole requested a 'quick hug'. Heskey was heard screaming 'I didn't mean to kill Mr Jingles, I just wanted to stroke him' as he was lead off towards the electric chair, I mean his changing room.

Jack Wilshere retained his 'Fag Team Title' by beating Ex Blackburn Snoutman and scary looking Turkish greaseball, Tugay. 

Wilshere's younger lungs obviously too much for Tugay to handle, as he went down by 36 Marlboro Reds to 12.  


In the main event, Michael Owen and Niall Quinn faced off in the 'Rhetorical Rumble'. 

The winner being the competitor that throws his opponent over the top rope, by answering as many of his own questions as he can, whilst being neutral, boring and basically confusing.

Quinn opened on the attack with 'I think, possibly, Drogba may have to be brought on because he is reasonably good in the air is he not?'

Owen responded with 'I think he may have gone down too easily there don't you? Because I think he has possibly hardly been touched'

Again the match went on, blow for blow, until Owen unleashed a finisher that was so devastating, it sent Quinn hurtling over the top rope like a strange gangly unintelligent Irish man who knows nothing about football even though he was a professional player and club owner for a career spanning over 20 years.

'I think the possibility of that being a penalty is different for the striker when the defender acts like he does don't you think? I think if he thinks he is going down then he should really make more of it because he doesn't do the foul any justice really does he? I think that's what I think, maybe?'

Quinn exploded over the top rope leaving Owen to bask in the adulation of the crowd. But what's this? Alan Shearer's entrance music is playing (Fog On The Tyne). Shearer is cashing in his 'Money In The Bank' title shot. He's challenging Owen to a 'fence sitting showdown' at CommentateMania in March, will Owen accept the challenge? We'll keep you up to date with all the developments, as and when they happen.

GITG