SUPER SUNDAY REVIEW: Chelsea secure victory despite spirited Gunners fightback, and Fergie fuming as Tottenham earn last minute point at White Hart Lane

Today, the only thing worse than listening to Jamie Redknapp's pathetic mockney accent, and looking at his massive package that he clearly pleases his beautiful wife with, was the performance of Bacary Sagna.

Chelsea 2 Arsenal 1

A game that was stagnant in the first half kicked into life in the second, with a spirited comeback by Arsenal ultimately ending in an unlucky defeat, here's why:

* Bacary Sagna - He isn't bothered, he would clearly rather be sitting in a bedsit in Paris playing Pokemon Red on his yellow Game Boy Advance. Bacary was less use than a Pikachu against a Geodude today. Goal one - Juan Mata couldn't have been in more space if he was in between Piers Morgan's ears. All you had to do was look at the replays, and you would have seen Sagna updating his Facebook status on his iphone with 'im knackered today, i just want to watch Prison Break'. RAFA BENITEZ LIKES THIS

Goal 2 - Granted Ramires isn't a wonderful footballer, but he is easily good enough to mark in the box, especially when he is around 10 yards out. Sagna thought otherwise, and whether Ramires dived or not, it was still pathetic defending from Arsenal, which deserved to be punished. Up stepped that fat prat Frank Lampard, and whether you love him or hate him (i hate him) he dispatches penalties better than Bradley Wright-Phillips steals handbags. 2-0 and deserved.

* Chelsea's first half display - For most of the season Eden Hazard has flattered to deceive, but in the first half, he was unplayable. Popping up all over the pitch, he was making himself available for the ball, and driving at the flat Arsenal defence with real purpose. He used the ball well in the final third, and linked up beautifully with Juan Mata (who was also fantastic). I just feel that Hazard deserves recognition for the yards he went through off the ball today, his industry made a real difference against a team that if you close down quickly, are easily beatable.

* Theo Walcott - He took 4 corners, all of which ended up in Cech's arms. The best way Walcott can be described is as a female WWE wrestler. She is pretty sexy on the outside, capable of impressive imaginative, and incredibly athletic manoeuvres, much like his goal. But can also make the industry look like a fucking laughing stock, and whilst you are masturbating over them, you never ever feel particularly aroused, and just rub it out because you can.

* Arsenal in the second half - Ok, enough Arsenal bashing. They were impressive in the second half, and if they had rescued a point, it would have been fully warranted.
The main difference was high pressure, Diaby and in particular Wilshere (another fine game) were squeezing Chelsea's deep midfielders and winning the ball back high up the pitch. Which ultimately resulted in Walcott scoring. They also had an urgency about them, usually when Arsenal are trailing to better opposition, they fold, but today they seemed determined to at least give a comeback a go, which was refreshing.



 Tottenham 1 Man Utd 1

This game was interesting. Anyone that was sceptical about Tottenham's chances of returning to the Champions League next year, should have had their minds changed today. Spurs had 61% possession, and 14 attempts to United's 5.

Spurs dominated proceedings from start to finish, no matter what Alex Ferguson says.

United scored with pretty much their first attack. It was a good cross from Cleverley and a perfect header from Van Persie, Kyle Walker was guilty, he was trying to steal a slammer from Van Persie's POG collection as the Dutch turncoat rose unchallenged to fire home for an undeserved lead.

After the goal United were second best throughout, Dembele was excellent at retaining the ball as always. Its amazing how a Premier League player can get away with being stoned every game, but props for Dembele, who must have a freezer full of children's piss. He does everything with ease, and keeps Spurs ticking over nicely, by supplying their threatening widemen with the ball quickly and efficiently.

Spurs could have won the game easily, Dempsey missed a couple of easy chances, and a better final ball from Lennon, combined with Bale getting himself on the ball more often, would have resulted in a comfortable win for Spurs, which is impressive against a team that are looking good for the title.

In terms of United's performance, the only positive i can come up with is that they spoiled well. They stopped Spurs from unleashing their full potential, and will be glad to leave with a point, whether the equaliser was late or not. United's performance reminded me of a Jimmy Carr show, no one particularly enjoyed it, but they still managed to get away with looking good, even though they showed less imagination than a rule breaking fox that still decides to go for a Chicken, even though there is a box of Parrots 2 yards away from the fucking ponce.