MIDWEEK ROUND UP

Ivanovic blapses McCarthy 

Willian’s late winner strengthens Chelsea’s chokehold on title aspirations.  

Despite Mourinho’s talk of a “beautiful” win, the real talking point of the game was far uglier.  No, not Diego ‘The Elephant Man’ Costa, this time Bransislav Ivanovic took to the fore as Chelsea’s biggest butthead.  

Ivanovic came to blows with Everton’s James McCarthy after the pair argued over a challenge from Gareth Barry like a pair of nans.  Ivanovic appeared to hug McCarthy from behind with his strong rugged arms and lunged with his head in a scene of 50 Shades Of Grey meets Serbian prison.      

Ivanovic got away with the rut without so much as a slap on his hunky wrist.  Roberto Martinez was understandably disappointed and misunderstandably Spanish in his post match interview, claiming Ivanovic should have been sent off.  Whereas, Mourinho declined to comment on the incident preferring instead to commend Chelsea’s “amazing spirit.”  In a strikingly un-Mou-like move, the Chelsea manager also failed to mention Chelsea’s penalty claim in the lively opening period of the game in which Naismith parried the ball with his arm.

It was an unconvincing 1-0 win for Chelsea, and they remain 7 points clear of reigning champions Manchester City, who were 4-1 winners at Stoke City.  But as Mourinho pointed out after the game:

I don’t remember a team to be champions without a couple of victories in the last minute...In my case every time I won the league title I had a couple of matches where we won in the last minute. This was the first time this season.

While winning by any means is certainly the hallmark of champions, it's clear that Chelsea's attack is left wanting without the lethal Costa-Fabregas connection. 

Balotelli blapses Tottenham

      

All the energy and bluff exalted on the weekend couldn’t protect Spurs from the unexpected on Tuesday - a Mario Balotelli goal..

Balotelli came on to score the 83rd minute winner, his first goal in 13 appearances for the Reds.  Like what is so often the case with the Italian brat, most of the talk was for his off-field antics.  At the final whistle Balotelli threw down his gloves like a belligerent veterinary nurse and headed straight down the tunnel, ignoring the jubilant celebrations of his teammates. 

     

Both sides struggled for supremacy during the 90 minutes, in what was a very tit-for-tat affair.  Spurs started obnoxiously, and it was their carelessness in midfield that offered the home side myriad means of attack.  Despite going behind to a scuffed shot from Lazar Markovic, Spurs responded positively and who else but Hawwy Kyane would finish off a lovely Dane-Argintine combination by nutsing Lloris to score his 23rd goal of the campaign.  

Danny Rose delicately floored Daniel Sturridge who was absolutely boying Spurs off to give Liverpool a penalty, which was put away in tedious fashion by the tedious Steven can’tevenGerrbefuckingbothered.  Spurs then equalised to make it 2-2 following an Eriksen freekick that was stopped only as far as Hawwy Kyaane, the clinical forward squared it to Mousa Dembele who knocked it in with his teet.  It was the home side who would have the last laugh as, with 7 minutes to go, Balotelli combined with fellow substitute, Adam Lallana, to grab Liverpool a last-gasp win.

While Pochettino was busy concluding post match that it was “a great game,” Balotelli appeared far from amused.  But that’s sociopaths for you.  However, Mario did make this retrospective gesture on Instagram [ed: what is an instagram?]:      

Christ..

Lerner blapses Lambert

Aston Villa’s 2-0 loss to fellow dead weight Hull City saw Paul Lambert’s men plummet into the relegation zone.  

The result, Villa’s 10th match without a win, prompted the thus far detached owner, Randy Lerner, to shaft his man at the helm who was breaking records for all the wrong reasons.

A friend once told me Villa were a "sleeping giant.”  Well, if they were asleep they must be in a coma now.  Guardian football writer, Stuart James, fittingly describes Villa as ‘sleep walking to the Championship.’  Both analogies, though ultimately damning, touch on the great unrealised potential of Aston Villa.  The club has a huge catchment area, a big stadium and an experienced manager- oh, ouch sorry Paul, sorry mate.. - and yet despite Lerner injecting around £250M into the club since buying it for £62.7M eight years ago, Villa have failed to mount any meaningful charge at the top four.

Martin O’Neill came close, finishing 6th with Villa in 07/08, 08/09 and 09/10.  However, despite notable growth under O’Neill, it was apparent that Villa were stagnating, a bit like O’Neill’s accent.  Lerner arguably saw the answer in Lambert following Villa's electrifying start to their 14/15 campaign, Villa were sat 2nd in the league when he offered Lambert a new 4 year contract.  However, shortly after signing, Lambert's men managed just 12 league goals in 25 games.  Given the huge windfall for Premier League sides following Sky and BTSport's recent £5 billion TV rights deal, relegation was simply unthinkable for the club's thoughtful American owner.     

There is talk of Lerner selling up for as little as £100M, which would mark a significant loss.  However, this appears a case of shitty rags being washed together (irrelevant journalists copying each other).  

Now, because we're desperate for hits, here's a video of two girls kissing:

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