Monday, 30 January 2017

Managers Adopt Stunning New Post Match Team Talk Method


Post match team talks after a poor result were always one of the toughest part of a football manager's job. But not anymore, perhaps.

That's because more and more managers have decided to outsource this duty, with the results of this new method speaking for themselves. Outsourced to who though? Who other than the manager or a coach could find the right words after you have just suffered a 3-0 reverse at home to Port Vale?

I introduce Colin Thorpe. Who? I'll tell you who. Colin, a forty-five year old plumber from Mansfield, put a tenner of his hard-earned money from easily manipulated pensioners on a ten fold accumulator at his local bookmakers back in October last year. With nine of the teams winning, it was only the tenth - Bristol Rovers - who let him down, losing miserably at home to Peterborough. In a ground-breaking new method, Rovers manager Darrell Clarke had him flown in immediately after the game. Midfielder Billy Bodin told us what happened:

"It was weird as we were sitting in the dressing room for nearly an hour and a half after the game and there was no sign of the gaffer. All of a sudden a bald bloke stormed in, nearly taking the door off it's hinges and just flew into a rage saying that we cost him 7 grand or something"

Bodin then told us how it started to turn sour. "He glassed our young full back" he says shaking his head. "Blind in one eye now....but I guess if you lose your man from a set piece you have to deal with the consequences." Bodin spoke on how this passionate act of fury from Mr Thorpe helped spur them on. "We apologised to him. I can't imagine the pain he has been through because of us. He is so brave for carrying on. In fact, I think he put another bet on the day after which shows unbelievable courage. His resilience is truly inspiring so we promised to win the next game for him." And they did.

After news of the success spread, more and more managers adopted the method. Barnet players were left stunned when Gary 'Toddy' Todd burst into the dressing room after a scoreless draw with Crewe a few weeks later. Just needing a Barnet goal for 22 grand, Toddy was invited in to share his thoughts on the game, which saw him running at club captain Michael Nelson with a chainsaw and calling a 17-year-old who had just made his debut a 'rotten coward'. "Toddy certainly was well within his rights to do what he did. I would do the same." said Nelson philosophically. "I mean, I thought it was a good point after the game considering we were down to 10 men and playing a team unbeaten in six, but Toddy didn't see it that way." Barnet travelled down to Plymouth 3 days later, winning 2-0.

A recent fatality after a Doncaster game earlier this month left many questioning the method, however. I will leave you with an eye witness account of the sorry tale:

"We had just won the game with our best performance of the season. We were fantastic but our striker had missed a late penalty. We thought nothing of it as we were already 2-0 up, but after the game a rather scary man appeared in our dressing room with an axe and just hacked him to death in front of all us. He was screaming and shouting throughout but all I could make out was something like 'over 2.5 goals'....and then, just like that, he was gone".


GITG 

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