Lewisham council's quite hilarious ploy to
troll the absolute hell out of fighty football club, Millwall, has been given
the green light. The Council decided in a closed meeting that 'they needed to
shift these flats before people realise that South Bermondsey isn’t in fact
hipster, but simply just a shit hole'.
Millwall chiefs have decided that a move to
the South Kent coast is their best option, and have pinpointed the sleepy town
of Ramsgate to build their new footballing dynasty.
With 99% of lifelong Millwall fans
defecting to other clubs, a new 'firm' has been started on the south coast to
try and maintain the 'hardman' image that the club has been associated with
throughout its history, and GITG have the inside scoop.
The firm, labelled 'The Knobbly Knee
Brigade' by 89 year old founder Arthur West, has swollen in numbers since the
relocation was announced. Arthur spoke to us about his plans for the group,
over a nice cup of Horlix.
'I just feel that with the history of
thuggery Millwall have, it would be a shame not to continue that down here.
We've already come up with some chants…
'LET EM COME LET EM COME LET
EM….ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ'
'WE ARE MILLWALL, SUPER MILLWALL, WE ARE
MILLWALL, FROM RAMSGATE'
And my personal favourite
'FUCK EM ALL, FUCK EM ALL, SEAGULLS ICE
CREAMS AND BEACH BALLS'
Arthur also gave us the run down on the
firms ‘top boys’
Arthur West: 89 years old
Occupation: Retired
Arthur has lived in Ramsgate his entire
life. With two fake hips and a severe case of shingles, Arthur has decided to
take care of the brigade’s admin rather than get involved in the nasty stuff.
You can tell he has an evil streak however; he even regaled GITG with a
worrying anecdote from his younger years.
‘Me and Queenie (wife) were at the penny
machines on the pier one Sunday morning. I’d had two cups of tea so the Dutch
courage was really flowing through me. All of a sudden I noticed a young man
push in at the front of the doughnut stand and I just lost it. I tapped him on
the shoulder, squared up to him and said ‘your mother would be ashamed’
‘I had to grab Queenie by the hand and get
out of there before the police came; luckily this happened in the days before
CCTV cameras so I managed to keep my head down. But it was at that point I knew
I had something deep inside me that I had to embrace, something primal.’
Flappy Dave: 3 years old
Occupation: Seagull
‘Flappy Dave came to my attention about 6
months ago, on the seafront. You could tell he was a real little feathery
bastard. Nicking people’s chips, dive bombing young children. He even chased
off blackbirds, so the racism is there too.’
Senor Whippy: 47 years old
Occupation: Ice cream man
‘Senor Whippy is a real gem. He supplies
all of our members with Screwballs every time we meet up. He’s Peruvian, which
isn’t usual for a racist British hooligan firm, but he was keen to be involved
and is a menace in a scrap. He also picks me up in his ice cream van when we
have ‘firm socials’. Last week we went to Ikea to buy Queenie a new bedside
cabinet.’
The move is set to happen at the start of
the 2018/19 season, at which point Arthur hopes to have at least 7 members.
With Millwall’s move now confirmed, young
men from Bromley will have to find another way to pretend that they live in
London.
GITG
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